The "Fart"

Please excuse my use of the word "fart" but I always strive to be authentic and that's what Rebecca calls it so I guess you'll have to bear with me! Now I will be honest and tell you now that the scrapbooker in me did think for a fleeting second that I should take pictures of this event, but then I realized that not even I wanted to see the following again and I quickly dismissed the thought. Last night I was downstairs trying to scrap and watch TV. In all honesty, there was more t.v. watching going on than scrapping. Anyway, it's about 10PM and my mommy senses kick in and I hear a strange noise upstairs. What is that? I think to myself...weird breathing? Does someone have the hiccups? Better go check. As I come up the stairs I hear much more clearly now, it's crying coming from the bathroom. Being the good Mom that I am, I knock quietly and then open the door only to be assaulted by a smell no person should ever take in to their nostrils at 10 O'clock at night. Holy literal crap!! There is my sweet Rebecca sitting on the toilet crying. Let me paint this nightmare for you. There is Rebecca crying on the toilet and as I look at her and try NOT to gag I see...is that??...oh gross that is a pile of poo on her knee...yep, Dad V. I did...I threw up a little in my mouth! Anyway, I figure if she is sitting on the toilet and there is poo on her knee I better look down. Oh, good, the pull-up is on the floor filled with...well we'll just say poo to spare you...and the pull-up is inside out. Next to that is a pile of poo on my bathroom carpet, some on a towel someone forgot to hang up and lastly the cursed pair of Jammie bottoms...yes with poo on them. OK, I think, what the heck do I start with?? So I ask Rebecca if she is in pain and she says, "No." "OK" I say nice and calm, "then I need you to stop crying because if you cry and nothing but being covered in poo is wrong, I will have more trouble assessing this situation." Thankfully she is able to stop. I ask her if she is done, knowing there is no possible way there could be an once more poo inside her body, and she of course says, "Yes." Well thank goodness for small mercies. So I ask her to stand up and I am not kidding it looks like she got sprayed from behind by a poo hose. "um, Honey, you go ahead and sit back down...no don't slide back on the seat...and let mommy get caught up and then we'll get you cleaned up." Now don't judge me, you would have cleaned up the other stuff first too the smell was that bad. So I start with the Jammie pants. I am not kidding every time she wears these she has some kind of issue. So here I am rinsing these pooped up pants out and I start to laugh thinking about the time I considered being a nurse. LOL I don't know how you guys do that for strangers, but God Bless you!! Pants are done, I wash my hands literally three times over and then look at the next mess. Now the assessing starts...How am I on towels? Good. How much was that carpet? Not the much. OK then I rolled up the carpet with the towel and pull up inside and put it all in a large garbage bag and took it to the trash. I come back upstairs and yes my poor baby girl is waiting patiently on the toilet, and I see that much to my dismay, there is poo on the floor. I quickly grab the cleaning supplies and wipe it up and now I am ready to tackle sewer girl. We take the chance on walking to my bathroom because I have a sprayer hose and there was no way I was touching the mess on her bottom. Now this was tricky because I knew that after watching her freak out about wiping the poo off her knee with toilet paper, if any touched her in the shower we'd be back to the crying. Well, that was successful. I got her rinsed and washed, dried and dressed and then I asked, "Rebecca, what happened?" "I thought I had to fart, mommy." "Well, OK maybe we shouldn't do that any more if we aren't sure all we have is gas." To that she replied that she would try to remember that next time. I have never been so thankful that she still wears pull-ups. Could you imagine if it hadn't caught it all and that happened in the bed?? Ugh, I dare not speak that thought again. In fact as I type I recall laughing at my poor sister when she came home and found that her dog had pooed all over the wall. See what goes around comes around. By the way...it's not funny. On my way to lay with Becca until she falls asleep, I look into the room that I will now have to redecorate because my little girl thought she had to fart!