Finished

Back in the fall I stepped out on a limb and way out of my comfort zone and offered a card making class at our community center. I was nervous and excited to do it. The first class saw a few people, the next a few more and then it tapered off. I have cancelled the last three classes because of a lack of response. I suppose I can look at this as a failure of what I wanted it to be, but I don't. I learned a lot about myself. I know now that I can take a risk and regardless of how it turns out...I will live through it and be fine. I also have finally got it through my head that I am not a teacher. I don't like it, I'm not very good at it and finally I can lay it to rest and stop forcing myself to do it. I am OK with not being great at everything! I still love to scrap but I think it's time (when I get that precious time) to start making things for my own family. I do so many projects for others that I haven't kept up on my own pictures that my children love to look at. So the classes are finished and to an outside person they were a complete failure, to me a great success and a stepping stone to move toward something that I will really like to do. Finally I can scrap and make cards just for fun...as it should be!

Hiccups

In the stage of life that I am in right now,  it seems that I am either following up on chores, breaking up fights, teaching, training or disciplining. Sometimes the fun I dreamed we'd have as we planned for children is non-existent. However, I had the privilege this week of 3 times over giving my children hiccups! That seems like an odd thing to be excited about, but it's because the hiccups originated from laughter. I am used to making my husband laugh and my friends and sometimes perfect strangers, but it is much harder to make kids just think you are funny if you are not tickling them. However, a private joke with Rebecca had us in fits of laughter for several minutes resulting in a good case of hiccups that lasted until we arrived at school. Ryan is kind of easy because the mere mention of a potty word or function sends him  into fits of laughter. Reagan is a tough one lately. We are darkening the door where I am supposed to be lame and she is to merely tolerate me. However, tonight I made her laugh...hard....until she got the hiccups. For a second in time I got a glimpse of what I had always hoped for, flashbacks of rare moments with my own mom, and a hope for the future between Reagan and me. It's interesting the moments that make such a big impact, tonight with Reagan in the laundry room of all places will be one of those moments that I tuck in my heart for future reference.

My Personal Cheer Section

Most of you know I started school yesterday. To be truthful it's a bit overwhelming. Since it's been a looong time since I have darkened college doors, I had forgotten just how much homework 6 credit hours would have. The English isn't too bad. It's a lot of reading and I have come to terms with all the writing and the gigantic research paper. Math on the other hand, lets just say I understand why I got sent back to a remedial class. It is taking a long time to do each problem as I have to re learn how to do even the simplest algebra. However, today I have spent most of the day working on this math. It's taken hours to do 26 problems. The great part is about 12 problems ago Ryan pulled up a chair next to me to help. He has paper and a pencil to write and when I finish a problem he pushes the "enter" button to submit the answer. If it's wrong a big red box appears and says, "sorry...blah blah blah" to that Ryan says, "uh-oh" or "aww Mom, it's ok..." how sweet is that?! The best part is when I get one right he cheers with a fist pump and an "alright!" with the same excitement every time. Even though I am tired he is so darn excited for me to get them right I push on and do another. The girls have taken an  interest and ask me about my work. We have a deal that we will all try for straight A's this term as they are starting a new one soon. Ron has been super supportive and helpful being excited about all the stuff I am learning even though he could do this math in his sleep. I am so blessed to have such an awesome family to walk through this with!

It would not be right to talk about my cheer section if I didn't mention my awesome friends! You are all so wonderful and send me texts or calls at just the right time to make me smile and push on! I covet your prayers and even though I am not the first person to return to college you all have shown me the full meaning of support. You Rock!! Well Ryan is ready to push the enter button again so off to do a few more math problems before bed!

Goals

Every year we make "resolutions." Some of us try to make it sound like it will stick better if we change the word so we set "goals" instead. However, being who I am, I have discovered a serious character flaw when it comes to goal setting. It would appear that I can be trucking along just fine and notice I am doing something consistently...score. So  I decide...OH, I should turn this into a goal of mine! As soon as the ink dries I struggle to continue to do whatever it is I have been doing just fine, until I wrote it down.

As I thought about this, one with a logical mind would say..."just don't write it down then." Those of you who know me also then know that is not an option. I must fix this flaw. I talked with a friend and we threw around some options like:
 1. Set simple attainable goals - this sounds so easy, but even this I make hard. For an example, I feel good when I exercise so therefore my goal must be to workout every single day. Talk about setting myself up for failure, but I can't seem to help it. So then I must ask myself, do I secretly LOVE failure?? Then that is a bit too insane for even me so I put a stop to the thought process before I dial the shrink and really set an appointment.

So in an attempt to save some money and avoid medication and a straight jacket, I am just going to set easier goals. Here they are:

1. Exercise once a month either on purpose or by accident

2. I will make a budget that only includes using one credit card when I run out of cash

3. I will only use bad words under my breath and when I am completely sure no one but God can hear me.

4. I will only stress about things to the point of a twitching eye, not a stiff neck.

5. I will stop buying the king size candy bars and being proud of myself for only eating half.

I don't want to over do so I will stop at five. So those are my goals with any luck I won't be able keep most of them!

In reality I have real goals but there is no way I am writing them down...at least not until I get a little better at this. Happy New Year everyone and I would love to hear some of your goals!!